Newspeak

Mark Twain said, amongst a lot of widely quoted things that “The past does not repeat itself, but it rhymes”. How right he is. Today I found the gallery of the last 50 years of winners of the ‘World Press Photo’ competition. It made me realise that alot of current events are so similar to everything that’s been happening to the world for the last 50 years. So much for progress.

Some particular examples:

1966 - Photo of American Soldiers dragging a Viet Cong corpse behind their vehicle, reminds me of Abu Ghraib and Guantanamo with their indecent treatment of humans.

1969 - Catholics and British police fighting in Londonderry (or just ‘Derry’ if you’re Irish), despite lots of talk it doesn’t really look like much is improving in Northern Ireland. At least there aren’t bombing campaigns now I suppose.

1972 - Children running from napalm dropped accidentally on the wrong area. Even with today’s precision missiles they still manage to hit civilians too often.

1974 - Hunger. Fast forward to 2005 and you have Make Poverty History to help people who are starving.

1977 - South Africa. Police fire tear gas at people protesting against their homes being destroyed. In Zimbabwe Mugabe’s government are now clearing peoples’ homes.

1980 - Hunger. Again.

1983 - Natural Disaster. I need say no more about that I suppose.

1989 - Tiananmen Square, ‘The Unknown Rebel’ a pro-democracy protester, rumoured to have been killed. Recently - Pro-democracy campaigner beaten ‘lifeless’ possibly dead, but no-one knows. (edit: he’s badly beaten but alive)

1991 - Soldier cries at death of a fellow soldier in Iraq.

1992 - Hunger. Again.

1995 - Children affected by fighting between Russia and Chechen rebels. Recently - Hundreds of schoolchildren killed by chechen rebels in a siege.

I think you get the idea.

Government figures out today reveal in the last year that the number of worrying statistics has risen sharply by an unprecedented 36.3% in 12 months.

A worrying statistic is one that is deemed to concern the majority of the British public. Recent examples of worrying statistics include the 18.4% increase in alcohol related deaths, the revelation that 64% of 999 calls in Llanidloes are not responded to within 8 minutes and the statistics showing that in the last four years deaths from the NHS superbug MRSAâ„¢.

Liberal Democrat MP Lynne Featherstone said: “These figures are deeply worrying.

“The government must put in place stricter measures against worrying statistics.”

The concerns over the increase in worrying statistics heightened when it was realised that the increase itself represents a worrying statistic, suggesting that figures could spiral out of control in coming years.

Before the US election I decided that I would be happier if Kerry won and that I needed a way of being happy should Bush win.

I discovered that Stan James, an online bookmaker, had Bush at 8/13 and Kerry at 6/5. I decided that if Kerry won I wouldn’t mind losing £10 (roughly $20) and while a £6.15 ($12) wouldn’t make me happy that Bush won, it would be some compensation and I could spend that money in some symbolic way.

Well as you should already know, Bush won and I got my stake and winnings paid back into my bank.

On 14th July 2004 the “Commision for Social Care Inspection” (CSCI) a government department published a report after interviewing 110 children. The report was very insightful into the view of children, with such suggestions as.

• Ban cricket, the ball may hurt me
• Ban chatrooms the internet might hurt me and I don’t have the required willpower to stay away myself
• Throw all bullies out of school
• I’m scared of drug dealers maybe I won’t be able to resist

Convinced this report was a humourous hoax I wrote to send my congratulations.

I read your report with much enjoyment. I am shocked the media believed you were a real group, this is the best hoax ever.I especially liked “Being hit by a ball worried many, especially where the ball could easily cause injury, such as a hard cricket ball.”. That cracked me up.

Also the stuff mocking people who know nothing about the internet made me laugh. Of course you understand that to stop the chat rooms you’d have make modems illegal and even then that wouldn’t work.

Good stuff, you should try to get more articles into the gullible media.

Imagine my shock when they actually responded!

Dear Mr PaulgerThank you for your feedback. As we make very clear, the report details the views of children themselves about what they feel are the risks to them and what could be done to keep them safe from harm. These views came from more than 110 children in 25 consultation groups held during Spring 2004.

The report also makes it clear we do not censor, amend or adjust the views of the children, we just report what they say and feel. We believe the perceptions and suggestions of children - however real or feasible - are important to informing the work of Government, policymakers and service providers.

We are glad that you enjoyed this report.

Regards,

CSCI webteam